Astrology considers two primary factors: our natal potential and the impact of the planets and stars on our particular horoscopes.
Aries:
When I rolled a die to foretell your week (an EXTREMELY accurate predictor for astrology), you got a 10/12! A 10 implies you receive ten additional minutes in your midterm test to perform what you have to do in this random universe and our limited time together. Use it wisely, young man.
Taurus:
What happened to the wrath? Yes, the pollen has been staring at you. I believe you should sneeze on a tree to convey how everyone feels, and I guarantee it will benefit your prosperity.
Gemini:
As I feared, you’re attempting to wring out the last of that Gemini charm before Leo snatches it. It’s time to turn your concept into a lifestyle book. Consider passing on this to your offspring. You are flawless.
Cancer:
You are an eight, according to the mystical die. But, Cancer, do you know what? In my heart, you are a 10/10 buddy. This week, concentrate on you rather than the statistics. You’ve got a great smile, old buddy!
Leo:
This week, Leo, find it in your lion-hearted nature to be humble. Look for nine dogs on your stroll today. It’ll be like playing “I Spy,” only with each puppy, you’ll get more joy!
Virgo:
You’re aiming for perfection, and with an 11, you’re almost there! Take a break this week, okay? Perhaps the character growth you require is, well, rest.
Libra:
Six isn’t a horrible number, Libra, and it strikes the exact mix between mediocrity and extreme. Hey, aren’t you all about balancing things out? Maybe you and your scale can talk about trying something new this week, and I recommend jumping into a water park and throwing your arms up.
Scorpio:
What, four? Scorpio, you may have reluctantly agreed to give a group presentation this week. Despite all odds, I’m here to assure you that everything will be OK. You’ll soon be able to commemorate this difficult occasion in the same way that all SFU students do: with a Tim Horton’s. I’m pulling for you.
Sagittarius:
You rolled a one, right? Sorry, Sagittarius, but I guess it’s time to realise that you’re not going to have a nice time this week. While listening to music on Spotify, it will frequently halt. Try to track down a prophesied protagonist-defining object! I recommend a ring, a tome, or an excellent stick. That will bring you good fortune!
Capricorn:
I’ve rolled a five for your misdemeanours, Capricorn. You must try your luck and put on a musical, and I can tell you what it takes to be a theatre child.
Aquarius:
Hello Aquarius. I was able to divine your fate using random dice. A tree isn’t horrible. Triangles are frequently used as symbols of togetherness! This week, have faith in your pals. Perhaps friendship was the solution.
Pisces: And now, Pisces. We usually feel awful that you are the last sign in our horoscopes, but it could be worth it for LUCKY NUMBER SEVEN. We are convinced that you will reach your goals! Carry a map, and you’ll locate a grumpy wizard to consign your evil fate too. I can’t wait to see what you come up with.
By: Kelly Chia
